I love my roommate.
It’s a platonic kinda love even though sometimes people call us married, but it’s one of the most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever had in my life, and day after day, it challenges me to be a better friend, partner, and person.
I think through him more than anyone else in recent times, I’ve learned so much about how to take care of someone, how to be independent, and how to show and receive love in ways that make sense to everyone involved.
I pondered this on our most recent road trip to Vancouver, of which we’ve now had a few (alone, with other friends, even with a full car - the whole shebang). Through discussing the same topics we always have, new ones, challenging what we know, or recent events, he’s felt like a safe place I can play whatever music I want, say whatever I really feel, and, really, be who I am. The beauty of this is that I’m not scared of the judgement, which obviously does exist. Whether it be because I’m concerned about the way I’m feeling about a girl or unsure about my career, I can cry and moan or be incredibly excited about something I like (Jiu-Jitsu) at the time of writing, and I can know that he’s listening, actively, and trying his best.
Maybe this is common experience for many people, but honestly, it’s quite new to me, despite having some incredibly close friends who I’ve had incredibly fulfilling relationships with, and partners who’ve tried their best in these categories too.
Approaching our three year mark of being roommates (maybe it’s time to forge my own path ahead), I came upon a realization that I’m excited to proclaim has entered my list of thoughts - it takes three years. When we first met, we might as well have been strangers - after (backstory here blah blah blah)
But today, after almost 3 years together, I’m pretty confident i understand the essence of this person - what he stands for, what turns his crank (bikes mostly, at the time of writing), and most of all that I’m sold on him as a best friend forever. Amongst the ranks of other friends that have made best friend over the last two sentient decades of my life, this theme somewhat stands true. After three years, there should be no more reservations or doubt, everything’s all about making new memories and good times.
The reason this idea is even remotely profound to me is because in some ways, I’ve been chasing this in relationships - hoping everything is perfect too quickly and falling into this “trap” of Limerence. Nobody’s going to be a perfect relationship right away, and there’s no rush to get there, but the hope is that after three years, you should know everything you need to. But also, three years is a long time. The hope is that with this realization, I’m also internalizing this idea that there’s no rush in finding a partner, because what you’re looking for - this synchronicity, this care, and this consideration - takes time and effort to build.
It takes three years to build something this meaningful, and it’ll take three years to build more meaningful things too. Give yourself the time patience and grace to get there. No need to quit so early but also no need to dive in so fast :)